Many a Moon - Comments

I love anything to do with Werewolves and the supernatural world, so this is perfect for me. Your writing is amazing and the detail you include creates vivid imagery, which you can play in your head like a movie... I didn't spot any mistakes but that could be because I was too busy enjoying the story to notice. Good job with this :)

okay, so two can play at this game. (; you say that you're angry at me for my story being well-written, but i'm angry at you for yours being so well-written, hehe. i kid, i kid. but it's true! i was always so freakin' jealous of your fantabulous writing skills and my jealousy still stands. :3

i do enjoy a thrilling story about werewolves/lycans (is there a difference between the names, or?) and yours definitely hits the spot. i remember reading this story a long time ago, when the first draft was up, but stopped for some reason (oops). but i'm very glad to see it up again!

the first chapter is fantastic; i keep imagining it as an intense movie that keeps you on the very edges of your seat. i absolutely love how you introduce the slayers and the lycans, with this incredible western-style showdown of sorts. the way you described everything, especially the slayer's deliberate actions (i could almost see it done in slo-mo), is absolutely amazing. and totally random, but i really liked the idea of the microphone capped in the slayer's molar, haha. super cool!

i'll definitely return to read the rest when i can. awesome job! ^___^

I love the layout and the banner is just amazing!

I'm not usually a fan of supernatural stories but I gave it a go anyway and I liked it. Your writing is great, you manage to put so much detail and description into it without it seeming overdone or forced. The first chapter started out great, full of action to grab the reader's attention and it definitely worked. I loved this line, I could imagine the Lycan so vividly: The Lycan stood half-crouched, its silver eyes gleaming, saliva dripping from the openings of its mouth, glaring at me. I'm also really liking the main character, she seems awesome! Chapter two was just as good. I feel so sorry for Timothy, finding out he's a Lycan and he didn't even realise. He seems so sweet and vulnerable.

When I get the chance I'll continue with the story, it has surprisingly grabbed my attention straight away despite the fact I'm not usually a fan of supernatural stories but I like this one.

can i just say that the banner is something i utterly fell in love with & caught myself staring at for, like, ever? i don't even know, it just caught my eye & i'm so ready to reach!

one

oh goodness. your writing is so flawless, i don't know why i haven't stumbled upon your writing earlier. start to finish of the first chapter, i was hooked. your description and just the euphoria of pure fantasy is like adrenaline fueling for me at exactly one thirty in the morning over here. your first p.o.v is eccentric and i'm quite jealous since i can't write in first person to save my life. i'm def rec'ing this because i just haven't found something so unique in a long time. <33

First chapter started with a bang of action, so hello! We're thrown straight into a high speed supernatural chase. Definitely a good way to grab the attention.

Also just fyi all of your layouts are lovely and I really really adore them.

And three lines into the second chapter you've got me kind of rather fond of Jeremy without even trying. He sounds amusing if not potentially childishly troublesome.

"Even if he occasionally lit things aflame."

My type of character, haha. Already I'm curious about this Thyrine race(if that's what it is) you've got going.

Holy hell what is he did he just kind of light her on fire or omg what. I don't know why but for some reason I think I like him even more now? And lord that had to be a traumatic sight for that poor (currently)human to come around to.

Also I like how normal all of their names are; Timothy, Jeremy, Ashely. They're all common and that makes them nice and just good, because so often everyone wants their names to be different and just wow. Average names are good, it's a breath of fresh air.

Fire demon? I'm totally okay with that. It seems to fit his personality--or what Ashley has told us of it thus far.

I think you've got a bit of an unfinished sentence:

"The flames spread to encase his entire hand, and then up to his arm before I grabbed his shoulder, causing his flames to."

I think you're missing a word at the end, sorry!

I like how she wants to be an emotionless, almost robotic killer, and tries not to show any emotion about what's going to happen to Timothy, but we get her internal dialogue that more than hints at how it actually does upset her. It's subtle, but effective. She's not precisely a perfect killing machine because Timothy's tears bother her. And then his execution isn't something she takes so lightly, either.

I'm curious about the full story behind her and her sister's arrival where they are, how it came about and other things. And then this 'mentor' that's mentioned also piques my curiosity.

Now I can't wait to see what happened. And I hope we see more Jeremy soon. I do like him already.

You've also got a great way of getting me to read things I generally wouldn't. I read a Harry Styles fic you wrote, and now I'm reading about werewolves and other things and I'm liking it. Now that, takes talent. You are so very good.

Wow. This chapter was amazing. It was a bit slow paced, but it allowed me to learn a bit more about Timothy and Jeremy and now I'm hoping that Timothy will be spared whatever fate the Slayers have in store for the Lycans before him.

Again, you really had me spellbound with your words and, well, I'm amazed at your writing style. I'm falling more in love with this every chapter I read. :) I really found nothing wrong with this chapter. :)

This first chapter jumped right into the action and you painted such a picture that actually helped me visualize what was going on in my head. Billie, you really have a wonderfully unique writing style. I love it! I really do! At first I thought that Lycan was like a vampire, but I remembered that it was a term for werewolves (sorry about that), but your descriptions made me remember that.

Anyways, I'm glad you suggested this story to me, Billie. This is one of the best werewolf stories I've read on here and I don't read that many on here - especially in terms of Original Fiction. So, thank you for the wonderful read.

I have to say, so far the layout, the summary - everything is so gorgeous and beautiful. It all draws me in right away. I think I recognize the guy on the left side of the banner, too! :O Anyways, my next comment will be on the actual story itself. So, expect five comments in total. :)

I love it! this is really creative, and your writing style is so straight forward and to the point. absolutely refreshing. You really have a talent for writing emotions.

"Its jaw snapped open slowly" This sentence kind of confused me. usually snapped is a word used for a quick action, but here it's slow. It's kind of hard for me to imagine a slow snap. but maybe I missed some detail about the jaw, I don't know.

All in all this story is really good! you have a creative mind so don't give up using it! I'm waiting to see this story published one day.

I don't think I've ever heard of a story like this before so I am interested to see where it goes, even if you are on hiatus.

Chapter One:

Truthfully, I can tell you now that I absolutely enjoyed this. Your action sequences and character descriptions are astonishing and I love how you gave a brief insight on the Immortals and how their world is run. For once, I'm glad I read a story that doesn't plainly introduce a creature as a simple werewolf or shape-shifter. You actually gave it an unique name.

I grappled with the ledges of the building, using them to pull myself up and then to stand on the ledge — Now don't get me wrong, I do like the fact that you took time to describe every intricate detail but don't go too overboard with your words. You didn't need to use ledge twice in that sentence, it was a bit redundant.

Soon it stood just feet away from me. Its chest heaving from exertion. — I feel that these two sentences should have actually been combined to form one complete sentence since they both go hand in hand with each other. The way it was set up, it felt a bit too halting. If that makes any kind of sense.

Chapter Two:

I was surprised that the Lycan changed back to his original state so quickly but I'm happy he did. Timothy comes off as a lost soul, who doesn't know who or why he is. I actually felt sorry for him when he came to terms with the fact that they were going to kill him. He seemed so vulnerable.

He was only about seventeen now. Still he was a boy, but his mind was that of a warrior's. — There's a bit of repetitiveness going on here as well. Since you already mentioned his age, I don't think the "Still he was a boy," part was needed. Maybe erase that and just combine the two sentences together?

Chapter Three:

Once again, I feel sorry for Timothy. I really hope they chose to find a cure for him rather than kill him. Starvation sounds like the worst way to go from the way it was described.

Overall, I did enjoy what you have written and hopefully soon, you'll consider returning to this story.

Chapter One:
I really like the action sequences. They kind of read like a Bourne novel- I've only read one, but still. The action sequences are very fast paced, which makes this an exciting read. I like that this chapter launches right into action and the fact that I can picture the sequence in my head. Especially the part where everything kind of slows down, and then she kicks the Lycan. It's such a cool scene. I'm thinking of it Charlie Angel style slow mo.

I was able to launch a wire to the top of the building, which hooked onto the edge so I would be able to climb easily and quickly no matter what situation might happen. - Maybe this is just me, but I feel that you don't really have to explain about the wire hook. I think it would be better off if you just ended it with, "which hooked onto the edge." and then add "of the building," It kind of throws me off, but I can't really explain why. But this is just a suggestion.

I sprang to the building wall using the tips of my fingers to propel myself upward; making sure the Lycan was hot on my trail. - I don't think you need a semi-colon, but I'm not entirely sure. I think a dash would work?

Chapter Two:
I think I recall this scene, but it's been a long time since I read this! Still, I feel terrible for Timothy :c I know he accepts it (right now) but I wouldn't want to die if I were him. Even though Evelyn- if memory serves me right, that was her name right? - doesn't really call herself a human, or at least questions it, I like her kindness. Jeremy seems more used to it. He's kind of taking this in like business. Evelyn does the same, but she still has human emotions.

He was only about seventeen now. Still he was a boy, but his mind was that of a warrior's. - It might just be me being picky again, but since you already mentioned how young Jeremy was in the beginning, I don't think you need to add, "Still he was a boy", because it sounds a bit repetitive. So you could just say, "He was nay about seventeen now, but his mind was that of a warrior's."

a needle filled with a cloudy white serum; a witch who had seen to use it on her husband whenever the full moon came around concocted it. - I'm not sure if I read this wrong, but it sounds kind of weird to me. Did you mean, "a witch who had seen to it to use …"?

Chapter Three:
This chapter gives insight one why Lycans can't be trusted. But I agree with Evelyn, I think finding a cure should be an option. Even though Timothy is just introduced, I feel sad for him already. Reading over this makes me remember why I loved this story so much :D

Hopefully this was constructive, because I tend to ramble/blab a lot lol

Oh my God, I love Johnny to pieces. He's almost up there with Noah in my list of fictional crushes. Everything about him is just... sexy and rough and animalistic, which are traits that you portray so well. I love the way he acts around her and the way she's cautious around him; I honestly can't wait to see where their relationship goes.

This story is so utterly amazing. (: It's written fluently and maturely, and in a descriptive way that really fits the storyline. It's such a complex plot and yet you seem to pull it off so effortlessly and easily that it makes me crave the ability to do the same. XD

Who’s side are you on? Should be whose? Sorry, I have keen eyes that seem to pick up little mistakes a lot lmfao.

Oh gosh, I really can't help but hope this hiatus will be over soon. I need more from this story. I need more of the action, I seriously love it because of all of the scenes you seem to easily create in my mind. I like how you are on chapter seventeen and haven't really made it about anything romantic. I know that it's often quite difficult to do. I like that you didn't skip to some giant battle and that you show how conflicted she is even if she's training with Johnny. Ugh, there's like nothing to complain about in your story haha. Keep up with the absolutely excellent work! (:

I love this story. It might be your baby, but in my list of subscriptions, it's like that favorite niece/nephew that everyone has but won't admit...except I'm admitting it ha.

A balcony, though that had bolted the door shut I think you meant they and not that.

I like that you didn't sit there and have him describe how he stay's in his human form. It would have let all of the mystery end. I'm glad that I still have to think of thousands of possibilities, like maybe he eats a cat every night so he won't turn. You know, some kind of strange scenario.

Anyway, I really love this and hope to see another update soon (:

This is good, and you kick it off nicely, establishing a place for the protagonist and getting the atmosphere nice and settled straight away. Introductions are important!

I think that it could possibly use another go over for little errors. I noticed the odd missing comma in the first chapter. Additionally, you have this fragment:

the overpowering urge of protection overcame me

Should this be the 'urge to protect'? I'm not sure that an 'urge of protection' is a real thing.

This all being said, the characters and the concept are well-developed- I can tell that a lot of care has gone into it. Well done.

I must say that I like this so far. I have read the first 2 chapters and I love your writing style. I like how you start to develop your characters and I can get a sense of who they are and who they actually want to be. This story has stuck out to me. Generally I try ans stay away from stories like this only because they have been done ten times over, especially where vampires are concerned, but I am definitely liking this one. You have slayers and all other sorts in this story, and it is making for a great story so far.

I would have liked to contiue reading but I have work, and I did not want to rush the chapters, because when I read, I read carefully so I can gather everything to make sure I give you the best comment possible. So far you have almost no mistakes. The only issue in the first 2 chapters any way were just a couple of sentences where the word choice could have been a bit better possibly. I would give you an example but I do have to get ready. LOL though I may have been reading it a little too fast in some sentences which could be why it sounded odd to me, but who knows. That is not the point, the point is, is that I do like this story and I am a tad bit hooked. I plan on reading more when I get home. Amazing work :)

And so the plot thickens even more... o.O
I don't understand how you are able to add so much drama and so many twists without overdoing it. When I add drama to my stories they're almost always wtf? moments lol.
This story is written the way a novel would be, so I'm not surprised that you're trying to get it published. It's been so well-planned that it really deserves to be.

Her mentor sounds really power-hungry, and I love the way Ashley's developing. I agree with death to the pixies.; I really enjoy the way you use such a detatched form of language. It makes for a really interesting read that I know will keep me entertained throughout the whole story.

I'm sorry that this is such a crappy comment but I just got back from a holiday and I am so dead. But anyway, I loved this chapter and I'm looking forward to more. XD

This plot is brilliant, it's so original and you're one of the few people I know who could carry it off. The use of the stiff language is good, you're clearly trying to portray a character without falling into the cliche of modernising them.
I just love your language, I'd love to have a way with words like you. Your writing is just brilliant, and I can't tell you enough.
Great job.

I'm not gonna lie, that banner made me go "Oh hot damn look at my man." Obsession aside, your plot is so freaking awesome. Like seriously, this is the most original story I've ever read — besides all of your other stories haha. She's going to be so messed up in the head, she has no one that she can trust other than her sister which is pretty sad. I like that it doesn't really affect her though, I mean she's one angry huntress but still, she doesn't sit and cry or whine like Buffy the Vampire Slayer. I know, random refrence, it just happens to be on. She cries all the time and she's not even that alone, I mean, I get it, her mom died she died. But your character is showing some serious girl power in this story and I love it (:

I really liked this chapter. You keep revealing little snippets of Ashley's personality; enough to keep me interested and vague enough to keep me reading. I really like how you're going slow with everything. It really bugs me when people rush stories just to get to the romance, but you're not doing that. It's much more enjoyable this way.

I love the wording you use. That may sound weird, but there are little words in your sentences that make me realise what a good writer you are. You change everything around a lot so that it isn't repetitive, which is amazing.

I need to know who Heath is. Or do I already know and I'm just being dumb? Anyway, he seems like an asshole. Which reminds me... I love how protective Ashley is of her sister. It's really sweet.

The only mistake I found was you said something about her 'hearts' beating or something like that. So either she's some sort of magical creature that has lots of organs and I haven't realised yet or you've made a little typo. (:

You're such a lucky girl. You get so many banners and they're all beautiful. Anyway, I loved this update :3