Many a Moon - Comments

Sorry it took me so long to comment. I read both chapters and then went to bed, cause I was so tired. xD

I like this a lot. You have no problems with detail, in fact, you make it all seem like this is real and actually happened!
Chapter two was my favorite, I think it had more emotion in it than chapter one, but chapter one is still great, of course.

The characters are defined and have their quirks, like real people do.

Great job!

At first I was thinking, "Underworld fanfic?"
I really envy your way of writing. I can see so clearly what is all happening in the scene. It all just flows together really nicely. It's woven in a way that makes it seem like you've planned it out for a while and know what you're talking about.
I don't find anything "stiff" about how Ashley talks. It sounds more...professional to me and somewhat military.
Well done! Good luck with the rest of NaNoWriMo!

The chapters are different than before, so I read both. :)

Chapter One: The start was just amazing. Your descriptions are too. For example, I loved the way you described how the main character looked like and what the Lycan looked like without boring me. And your style of writing. I don't know what it is, but the way you write makes me read very fast. Maybe it's 'cause I want to read more? Or it can be the perfect way you portray the scenes. I got awesome visualization from this whole chapter-as though I were watching a movie. Like, the Lycan scene. I was hyperventilating, thinking what would happen next, hoping it was something good. I like the bizarreness of this too. It's has the good fantasy and original feel I love so much.
.
Chapter Two: I liked how you told us how Lycans don't remember the damage they have caused and the transformation of a Lycan. The beginning fo this chapter sorta got me all sad for Timothy. They were going to kill him. There were few ways to kill a Lycan, and none were pleasant.--got me even more sadder. Aha, anyways I thought it was crazy that 'sire' (or Heath?) killed his mother. I think I can tell he won't be a great character in the story. As in, maybe an evil character considering they both hate him. I may be totally wrong but that's what I get from this.

I loved both the chapters. <3

Chapter two was even better than chapter one!! The detail and emotion you put into this makes it so amazing to read. I can't wait to see how this all turns out.

Yeah, so this is amazing.
I'm a little jealous of your writing skills here( :
Can't wait for an update!

I wasn't surprised at the fact that Timothy was remembering what he'd done. How awful would that be? To come out of something and realize you'd done all this...damage? Killed people? I'd want to die.

I'm pretty sure he's about to, too. I'm commenting as I go along.

The way you have everything so lined up and all your facts are backed up really amazes me. It makes the story so enjoyable to read - everything makes perfect sense. The Lycan blood thing, for instance. You compared it with humans and how we can use each other's blood to heal in hospitals. Great job with the comparisons there, even though the Slayers don't condone giving blood.

Hahaha, vegetarian! The woman surrounds herself with red. That's comical. That's just great. xDD She really sickens me with the way she talks "Isn't that glamorous?" Bitch, please. You're being a whore.

I didn't think Ashley would have an enemy but that is definitely proven wrong with Heath's existence. I wonder what'll happen when he comes around...hm. You've got us on edge here, you nut. GOD SILKIE WHY. WHY MUST YOU MAKE ME -

I forgot what I was going to say. D:

I love this story. You have such an interesting plot. I can honestly say that I have never read anything like this before and so I applaud you for your creativity. I think that you do really well with developing and creating characters. Each character that has been introduced so far is like their own personality wise, they aren't just that blonde tough chick. But a relatable human being.

I really like Evelyn because she is so bubbly but it seems odd coming from a vampire. And the fact that she appears so young because she was changed young was neat. I also liked how you had that whole thing for killing Lycans, it was something your own that added to the story.

I am so excited with this story and I love every update, which have really been two but they have still been great.

Another amazing update Billie! I think Ashley is an interesting character, and I love all the details you put into the chapter. It's all so well-thought out and creative, I don't know where you get that creativity of yours! I like how she can seem cold at times, but there are times when she's "softer" and more sympathetic. I'm not yet totally sure if I like her yet, but I'm starting too. I feel really bad for Timothy though, he doesn't seem vicious at all!

Your descriptions are so vivid, I'd hate to be a Lycan. I love how you didn't portray the transformation as easy as 1,2,3. It's painful, like it's supposed to be, or at least, how I think it would be. Heath is ugh, I would never forgive him for what he did, even if he did save my life! I really want to know how they turn into Slayers. This chapter did not disappoint at all! The pace is nice, it's not too fast, and not too slow.

First line, I’m not sure why exactly “protection” is italicized. It draws attention to the word, but I’m not sure it really needs it, even if it is the Slayer’s duty. That’s explained in the next line, so it feels a little over advertised.

But not if they saw my eyes, the color of them at least, they were such a vivid blue.
Starting a sentence with but is never good. You can easily leave it out and the sentence is just as strong.

But not me. I considered them a curse.
And again. You can easily attach these two sentences with a semi-colon.

My guess could only be, the Lycan understood the idea of stealth.
I don’t really like the use of a comma here and kind of find the word “that” more fitting in its place.

I’m going to stop right here and mention that I adore this idea and I love how well you describe each of the characters. Most of the time in these sci-fi type stories, I get lost and have no idea what kind of creature is what, but I can picture the Lycan super vividly in my head, so kudos to that. :D I really love the originality of this, even if it is werewolves.

I leapt across the Jewelry store I stood on and snagged a ledge on the complex.
Jewelry shouldn’t be capitalized. :3

The base of my hands had seemed to grow tiny fibers, capable of clinging to even the slickest of surfaces. It seemed to be one of the many advantages to being a Slayer.
You use “seemed” twice in a row here and it’s sort of redundant.

I looked down, seeing the Lycan running sideways across the building to a window, which I could clearly see into, a small group of children running around their room.
I think “that” fits better here than “which”. “Which” makes the sentence sound awkward in some way.

I stopped pointing it out, but you’re still starting a lot of sentences with “but”. It’s just grammatically incorrect.

Its chest heaving from exertion, the newborns were strong, but they had a limited amount of strength the first night they changed,
“The newborns were strong” doesn’t fit with this sentence… it seems majorly misplaced, but important at the same time. Maybe separate the two sentences?

and then the sudden shriek as my teams net encased it.
Teams should have an apostrophe.

Jeremy grinned at me, he was still young but he was good at what he did.
Again, these sentences don’t seem to really mesh.

Even if he occasionally lit things aflame; he was one of the few Thyrines.
… I don’t get this. Even if he occasionally lit things aflame what? That sentence starts and then just stops. It doesn’t belong with the second half, at all.

He dyed his hair to match his demeanor but his eyes were the trademarks of a Thyrines
At first I didn’t think what you wrote made sense, but then I reread and got it, but I think the “trademarks of a Thyrines” would sound much better without the plural. “trademark of a Thyrine.”

Still he was a boy, but his mind was that of a warriors.
Warriors should have an apostrophe.

Jeremy could heal me much quicker than it would take for my body to heal itself, but it would not feel pleasant, but he never gave me a chance to react.
Too maaaaaaaaaany buuuuuuuuuuts!

An unfamiliar voice shouted, through the thunderous thudding of the helicopters wings.
helicopter’s*

I like your style of writing because it’s interesting and you don’t really seem to have many grammatical errors, just a lot of stuff that doesn’t really work well together. My only suggestion to read and reread a million times and find out exactly how you wanna phrase things. (:

You also tend to leave out quite a bit of apostrophes, which isn't really noticeable unless you're looking for it, like I was.

Overall, the layout and banner are gorgeous and your storyline is great. I love this idea. <3

I agree completely with Isadora Pierce, because you do have an absolute wonderful way with words and your mythical creatures. And your banner is lovely, along suit with your layout. You have amazing layouts, as usual. :3

It actually drew me in from the first paragraph. It has a intriguing concept. You're descriptions aren't over done, they're perfect, and they aren't dragged out to where it is over done, and they make it that much better. The whole thing was just sort of mind blowing. To me, it seems like a pretty original plot, because I haven't read anything close to this before. There is tons of action and you're characters are developing wonderfully and it sort of leaves me speechless, it was really quite wonderful, and I will be coming back for more.

Astounding job, love. <3

Okay. First of all, the layout is gorgeous. You and your amazing banners. I swear to God, start a freakin' business! You'll make a million your first year x] Or continue writing awesome stories such as this one. Good Lord, Billie <3
Second, this is a very, very interesting concept. I think we can all expect such lovely stuff from you xD Anyways, like Isadora Pierce - honestly, everyone knows how to take the words right out of my mouth - I love how there's a ton of action here. It's not only boring details that drag around; granted, yours has amazing details that don't drag around. And you've got amazing characters, too! I like Jeremy so far. He's pretty damn awesome. Reminds me of Angel from the Buffy-verse a bit, but that's a good thing x]
Like I said, this is truly amazing. I'm definitely subbing to this and seriously, if you take it off, I'll...be very mad xD
Lovely job! :D <3

Extremely exquisite banner. It's just...GAH. And the layout was splendid, the text size was perfect for my eyes. :D

Long chapters, I tend to stay away from but in this particular case (also, another story I read a few minutes ago) I have read through it all without skimming. One reason being, I am absolutely in love with werewolves. I could picture the whole scenery with your excellent description. It felt as though I was in the book, watching over everything that these two characters were doing at first. My favorite character so far is Jeremy, I love fire! :D Ashley, I picture her as a gray cloud, she just seems so sad and miserable doing what she does. It's as though, she shows everyone she wants to...but there's a part of her that wants to get rid of it all. It's sad.

It's a bummer that he will be killed because of something he can't control. And as every story or movie, Lycans are portrayed as bad, x3 which is one of the reasons I love them so. This seems like a good idea and also a very original start. Submitting this to NaNo was a great idea. I'm definitely subbing, I can't wait to see how this story unfolds.

First of all, aside from the fact that the summary and layout are perfect, I have to tell you how much I adored your first paragraph. It was so mysterious and really drew me in, and I especially loved the lines, Something no human had ever believed truly existed; there are many things that exist that shouldn’t. I’m one of them. The statement was so blunt that it stood out and really hooked me in as a reader =]

Its night black fur was following the path of the wind. If it wasn’t such a threat to mankind, I might actually think it beautiful. I really loved this bit also, it seemed to be that it was brilliant for character development. In the midst of all of this danger and supernatural events, I love the way your character still has a rather casual train of thought. The narrative voice is very effective.

I forgot to lift any more quotes because I was too hooked with the reading xD I really enjoyed this. You said in the author’s note that it still needs to be edited – if this is it before editing, then I have to say I’m very impressed. Your characters are already well-rounded and believable, and the action moves quickly without being confusing. This is a brilliant introductory chapter, well done! =D

As always, you're layout making ability makes me jealous xD. I love the way you describe things, and your style is just beautiful all together. I love the morbid/dark atmosphere this has to it. You did a fantastic job. I can't wait for an update. =D

This is very well written tons of detail and great grammar and set up. It seems liek you have everything in order :D I really like it :D

Silky, man oh man, if I had more time I would love to review this

As always you rock, your writing is on point and you just got it going on! I really liked this, I love how much your writing has changed to this more morbid and dark type of writing...I love it and it works! Descriptions, diction and layout were beautiful, but I mean c'mon, you knew that already, huh? ;)

ily, keep writing.

The descriptions are so vivid and real, easy to grasp. The plot in general is very well developed and I can see you put some really deep thought into your characters, which reflects on their in-depth description and how their personality manifests in their narration style and behaviors.

The only tiny mistake I noticed, and it was more of a type, is when you refer to Jeremy as a warrior; instead of warrior, you used the plural form, but that's about it.

Your layout, unlike those regarding supernatural plots, is very unique, yet, I find it quite odd choice of soft colors due to the nature of the plot, which is more on the dark side.

I love this, more than the original one you had up :) Your descriptions of the Lycan is so descriptive, I love it! It's refreshing to see that the Lycan you portrayed isn't a mere cute wolf type thing. I love how menacing, and dangerous they were portrayed here. I'm not totally sure if it's just me, but this doesn't sound right to me: "Something no human had ever believed truly existed; there are many things that exist that shouldn’t." --> I think after the semi-colon, it should be, "there were many things existing that shouldn't." I'm not sure, though. It's up to you really, I'm not an expert on this xD

This was a great start, I literally could not stop reading. I'm subscribed to this, but I don't check my email, so please keep me up date?

Oh, I like this. I love when people start of stories with action; it throws you right into the plot, and if it's a good one, it works very well. This is, without doubt, an amazing one. Ashley is a very interesting, thought provoking character, especially since you've left a lot of her up to the reader. I loved this line in particular: If it wasn’t such a threat to mankind, I might actually think it beautiful.
Everything else I would say has already been repeated twice over, so...excellent job, and I'm definitely subbing!

Okay, so. Everything that was said before? Definitely, without a doubt, true.

To be honest, I've started avoiding vampire/werewolf stories of any sort, just because it feels like they're all based off of one very popular franchise (I think it's pretty obvious which one I mean), but you're story is completely seperate from it. Which is freaking great. I know that has absolutely nothing to do with the story itself, but it made me smile, so.

The details you've put into everything, from the fight scenes to the character descriptions, are detailed without putting a huge focus on appearances or settings, instead fitting in with the plot well and flowing.

You clarify without getting out of the general feeling of the story, and it makes it all the more interesting.

I really enjoyed this.