Many a Moon - Comments

story/review game

layout/summary;
i love the simplicity of the layout and the sizing of the banners. i also love how you have multiple banners. even though some of them don't go with the coloring of the layout, they're so beautiful that i don't care. i wish the whole thing weren't center aligned though. there's not much of a summary, so i don't really know what i'm going into.

chapter one;
i am not a fan of supernatural stories personally. never have been, even as a child. the way this is told, though, it's appealing. it's not "hardcore" fantasy/supernatural. it's easy to understand, even for someone like me with minimal "other world" knowledge.

i know what a Lycan is, but i still appreciated the description and i also like that we knew through the description and not you saying it was a werewolf.

this is a very good opening chapter. the action scenes are very well done. i could picture everything happening perfectly, like it were a scene from a movie or something.

chapter two;
i love the capitalization of Death. like it's an actual character or something. i just really appreciate that.

the introduction of the sister is nice. there's not too much of a physical introduction, just enough. i really hate full-on physical descriptions the first time a character is introduced, so i appreciated the simplicity of her hair being a shade darker than the Slayer's.

i like how she seems to teeter back and forth between sympathy and apathy. like she doesn't comfort timothy or feel bad that they had to kill the Lycan on the team before. but she wishes that they spent time looking for a cure so they could stop the killing. it's interesting. not inconsistent either, which is well-done in itself. it's almost like emotions are new to her and logic is old, so she's learning how to meld the two. (i swear that made more sense in my head.)

i'm not sure how i feel about 'mentor' being in single quotations. if i read the whole thing maybe it would grow on me, but it seems strange to me reading it, almost like it's a mocking thing.

My ‘mentor’ was a Vampire and since she could rarely drink human blood, since it was forbidden by our laws to drink, though she still would sneak it if possible, she decided to surround herself with the color of it.
this sentence was silently confusing. i think it's the double 'since'. maybe if there were a double dash (y'know, that long dash thing) instead of the first comma and ending after the third. it just seems a little run on to me. i had to read it a few times to understand what was going on.

i like how the Slayers aren't humans (anymore). it's an interesting play on things. it makes me wonder how one turns a human into a Slayer, but i'm sure that's established later on.

overall;
the whole thing is told well and really interesting. i like the tone this is done with, considering it's first person (not one of my favorites). it's almost detached, in a way, yet not at the same time. makes for an interesting read.

At first, I thought this would just be suckish.
But as I started getting into the story, it just got better and better.

Your writing style is amazing. The words flow perfectly.
Great job.
I can't say much else, it's just simply fantastic.

Okay, so I read this SUCH a long time and didn't have time to continue on reading. So I guess I'll start over from the beginning (: Chapter 1 was...my God, it was amazing. Your use of details and imagery is mind-blowing. How do you do this? Seriously? Like, seriously, you need a prize or something for this. xD Anyways, I rarely read slayer/Buffy The Vampire Slayer type of stories, but yours is just so damn intoxicating. OKAY, I think I should continue on with the review fer reals, but you just keep blowing my mind, hahaha! SERIOUSLY NOW. I freakin' love the beginning and how you describe Ashley. First of all, she sound notoriously pretty and notoriously awesome. I mean, I've rarely seen any decent heroines - real heroines that can carry themselves and not fall over a guy or some shit like that - since Twilight, which is really, really sad. I must say that needs to be published to put the world back in order again. Capice? xD MOVING ON.

The fight scene was totally badass. Just saying. And it's so sad that Timothy woke up without realizing what he'd done. You make his emotions so clear; it really hits you, even though this situation can't and isn't real. I'm sue alot of people would wish that it was >.>

Then again I lied to almost every Lycan or other immortal I came across. This literally broke my heart :(

Okay, so I'm totally glad that I read this. It's beautiful and interesting and fast-paced and just plain bad-fucking-ass. I love it so much (: I'll definitely come back and comment and read more when I can :D BRILLIANT JOB, MY DARLING! <3

I'm in love with this story. Not even kidding... so much. I'm so glad you chose this for the comment swap. This is exactly my type of story and the sort of thing that this writing site lacks.

I feel really awkward when I see my name in there, haha. Damn I wish I had those powers lol. But anyway, Ashley is a really well-developed character, and she's really enjoyable to follow. She's the perfect mix of angry and emotional, and I love her relationship with Eliza. It's like she's someone else around her.

Helena reminds me of Helena Bonham Carter for some reason. I can't get that image out of my head when I read this, haha. I really enjoy reading about all of these characters, because I can tell that you've worked hard on developing them. Johnny makes me laugh, and I have a feeling that Tristian's going to be a main part of this story.

This is such an incredible story. I could definitely see this sitting on the shelves one day. Great job (:

As always, your layout is amazingly pretty. As I'm sure you've heard. :)

And as for chapter 10...wow. That literally sums up what I have to say. Haha

A room that housed dozens of angry Immortals. This line freaked me out, but made me so much more into the story than I already was. This is just so wonderfully written and I love the concept and plot so far.

Summary:
The only thing I don't like is that you don't capitalize the quote and such. XD

Chapter five:
Obviously it's hard to know what's going on since I've never read this before, so I'll comment more ont he flow and style rather than the storyline.
The flow is great, as always. In a few places the variation of long/short sentences is a bit lacking, but it's barely notecable (is that even how you spell that? oh well). I love your choice of words, and you don't always go for the "obvious" choice, which in the long run can be irksome. But ye no do that, so great!

When I finally left the forest I had slowed back to a limp.
- For some reason this sentence sticks out to me. I think it's the way it jsut flows so well with the entire paragraph.

This isn't my kind of story, and I don't have time to read stuff on Meebs anymore, but it seems like a good story anyway. And at least the language and flow is good. XD

This is still flowing as flawlessly as ever.

And it's so obvious that you've put a lot of work into what you're writing, which just makes it more enjoyable to read because I can tell that it hasn't been half-assed (if that makes ANY sense at all, haha).

Just one quick grammar error I picked up on in chapter 12:

...he smiled then—his fangs once more lowered from there sheathes.

It should be "their." But that's all :)

This is still going swimmingly, m'dear. I can't wait for what comes next.

So, I missed the last chapter because I was trying to write, but now I've read both of the updates and am just as hooked before. Your way with detail is impeccable and this story flows so well. Do you have a beta for this or are you editing all on your own? If you are, then you're doing a wonderful job, I can't even catch one minor mistake in your chapters which is super good -- and a relief. All I can say besides that is keep up the great work -- although that's not very helpful.

Amazing:)
I'm subscribing:)

You have an amazing way with words, dear! I really enjoyed this, to be honest. (:
I can tell that you really love to write and you have a natural talent of it. Keep writing amazing stories! <3 (:
P.S: I love love love the layout! And all of the banners look stunning (:
<3

Wow. I've only read a couple chapters so far but I just have to say that you are a really good writer.

The way you put detail in every sentence is uncanny. And I mean really amazing. The chapters are long because of the detail but it flows so easily that it's easy to read, and goes quickly.

The beast, known as a Lycan to the Immortals, stood on his hind legs, his lips curled over his now bloodstained teeth, though they still seemed to glint in the dim light. His coarse fur glimmered with the night; his body slumped in an elongated stance. His arms were long enough to claw at the ground.

I like the way this is described, you give just enough detail with out exposing too much. We find out what it is and what it looks like but not what it's doing.

I really liked the simple action that was put in it, it caught and kept my attention. (Something that is difficult to do.)

This is really good and once I finish reading the rest of the chapters I'll definitely be subscribing. :D

The update was very lovely, dear. <3

The first few sentences literally made my heart stop. I've never read this story before but now even though I've only read the first few lines I want to read the entire story. The banner/layout is gorgeous, btw. The detail that you put in is effortless, it doesn't sound like a bunch of words shoved in to enhance the story AT ALL. It's very obvious that you worked hard on this chapter, you seriously should consider getting a story of yours published. This chapter was amazingness :)

You worked hard on this latest chapter and honestly: it shows. I don't know if there are enough words in the world to praise a chapter like that. It kept me on the edge of my seat the whole time. I could feel the excitement running through me. I was scared and excited at the same time. I needed to know what happened next and that made for the most beautiful cliff hanger. I bow to your skills.

Dude, I think I love you, with all my teeny tiny fist sized heart. :D<3

Your writing is fawking amazing, missy. It's like, so dang good you need to go out and find yourself a publisher and start pumping out books, mmkay?(:

I do believe that's the closest I've ever come to cursing, which should tell you how awesome you are, tehee. C:

I'm still catching up on all these updates I missed, but I just had to take a pause in reading and let you know how amazing of a writer you are.<3

Oh my. Your writing skills are quite amazing. (:

Helena I love her! She's such a bitch though! I really like your writing style,
in fact, I envy it. They were so vivid, and no detail or description felt out of
place. I couldn't take my eyes off the page, either! I like how you can make
each chapter just as interesting as the chapters packed with action :)

I kept reading and readingi couldnt get my eyes to go off of it .
I love your wrighting skills , im majorly jealous.
Your mystical creatures that you have made up is magnificent.
Update soon?
I suscribed.

Well, now I'm conflicted between wanting you to get it published and wanting you to fail. I seriously want you to get published, but you've just unleashed a can of cliffhanger. I mean, that will only make me buy your book faster *hint hint* but still. I love it, your pace in this story is wonderful and I think that you're going to go very far in the book world. I wish you luck, even if that means I'll have to wait a while for the book. (:

This needs to get published.