Bulletproof Loneliness - Comments

I like that it's hard for Owen to find information about Jimmy; that makes this more true to life. Any kid who is given the information that "someone famous might be your parent" is going to do what Owen's doing, but it's going to take his mom to get him what he really needs.

I did notice that, in a few places, it was a bit 'he did this. then this. then this.' but over all, I really liked this chapter. I'm curious to see where you take this.

On characters: just include the current relevant characters and add in others later as they become important.

Jimmy knows that Carrie has a kid and that it is his (though it's just a hunch to him). Wonder what'll happen when he and Owen meet.

WOOOH lovin this story so far and YAY jimmy found out he has a kid finally cant wait to see what he does to find him XD

I am glad Jimmy knows now, even if it's just a hunch...and I do wonder how this is going to impact the story.

A bit of a critique: I think meeting Terry at the beach and her divulging this information was almost too...easy? I'm not saying that in a bad way, but I wonder how coincidental it was for them to meet. I know it happens, which is why I'm saying keep it, but I have to wonder if that was a set up on someone's part or just right place, right time.

JIMMY KNOWS!!!!!!!
sfljbnglwkrgqw YAY :D
I can't wait to see what he does, if he'll find Owen or if Owen will find him :D
Loves it ^^
Can't wait for more :D

his mom was way out of line to smack him, even if it was cuz he asked a sensitive question, she should've held back.
yay for Harvey being a awesometastic person and helping Owen off to a good start :D

I think his mother was wrong to hit him, but I also think it was a knee-jerk reaction. He clearly asked a sensitive question and she doesn't want to talk about Jimmy. Hitting him was wrong, but it seems to be that she had little control over her actions.

I think he'll find a lot of information, but I don't think he's going to get very far. He's got a name and a search engine; it's not that easy to find one's father. But Harvey at least got him off to a good start.

Yay! He's gonna find Jimmy!

I wonder what he's going to do when he finds out who his dad really is :D

YAY i hope that he finds his dad jimmy im so excited bout this story right now i cant wait for more XD

I. Freaking. Love. This. Story.
And I hate his mum. She had no right to hit him. He deserves to know about his father because after all, he is his father.
GO HARVEY!
I really hope he has some luck in tracking Jimmy down, even if it takes him awhile, I hope he finds him :)
Because I know Jimmy will love him more than his mother apparently does, I mean doesn't, because its obvious she cares nothing for him.
Mean bitch. lol.
LOVE THIS STORY! :D
More soon please and thank you.

I love how you described Jimmy's house it's like my dream home lol Oo Leana's pregnant :3 so cool but I wonder how they both will react to Owen (probably really well :D)

Awesome start to the story!!!!! Write more!

I really like this story :D
I love the concept and I can't wait to see where you take it, nor can I wait for Jimmy to meet his kid :D
Only suggestion I can make is put double spacing between your paragraphs and dialog.
So basically just enter twice and have a space haha.
It makes it so much easier to read, and it also makes the chapters look longer ;)

Other then that, great story and I can't wait to see it take off!
More soon please and thank you :D

I like how you're introducing characters one chapter at a time. It's a lot easier to follow and remember who is who this way.

I think it was good to show Jimmy feeling melancholy when he saw his old house; most people would feel that way, especially under his apparent circumstances. Leana's reaction was also appropriate. I like how this is setting up and I'm eager to see where it goes.

*le straight face* Mom is a ejptr. I mean its kinda fucking hard to get physics sometimes.
And what grade is Owen in? He's taking fucking psychology! *gasps*
And what is "ICT"? *le confused face*

Anywhoo!! This is a better chapter!! With the added details I can "see" the houses and the lawns and shit. I can't wait to read more!! But until then... ^_^

I agree with all of the above comments. ^_^

I, too, like this idea and I don't like his mother. However, the way you've written the chapter reads a bit...plodding, I guess. It's sort of: he did this. Then, he did that. I would find a way to make the chapters flow a bit. Give us some description. What does the house look like? What do things around him look like? But I do like this idea and I'm interested to see where it goes.

I like this idea :) and his mom pisses me off >.< I wanna smack her but Harvey is cool I like him :D
the only thing I don't like is the part of the banner where they have blue on their skin ya know? it messes with my eyes or something. but besides that everything else is awesometastic :D

FIRST COMMENT!
- I love this! :D