Listening to "I Want To Break Free" by Queen. It's funny someone suggested this song to me on a past journal post a long time ago and I never could relate and now I can. Sigh. I have a splitting headache right now. I can't sleep and all I can do is cry. I've been sad for a while now. I don't know why I'm writing this. I don't expect anyone to know what to say. It's just getting harder. Right now...

I don't know what to do anymore. I can't stand anything. I can't even stand him. I hate being around him sometimes it just I don't know. I just don't have the capacity right now to deal with him. All I really want to do is cry and cry, but my mom always says I'm being dramatic. Is it really that dramatic to hurt so much over losing your own mother? I can't do this. I just want to do what I always...

I'm feeling a little bit better since yesterday. I don't know what it is. I think the problem is I have no control over my life anymore. And I don't seem to be making it any better. I hate the constant emotional turmoil that happens up here, in my head you know. It scares me a little because sometimes it's too much for me. I know he thinks it's him, but it's not. I mean at times before I used to...

Honestly I don't know what to do anymore. I don't know what I want. Hell, I don't even know what's right anymore. I keep telling myself things are going to get better and that I'm going to find myself, but as the days go on I just lose hope in that. Like it's always been, things are leaving. I just don't know anymore. I'm sure I'm not even making sense anymore. I'm so sick of myself. Can you...

I'm a little overwhelmed. Everything feels so new. I'm really falling for him. It scares me though. I'm scared that he'll do it again-break it off. Sometimes when I'm with him I wonder if it's all real or he's just playing with my heart again. I think that's what scares me the most. I don't think I could trust him. I feel so insecure around him. I think that's the scariet part of being in love or...

Honestly I don't think I'll ever be happy. It's myself that's, well, stopping me from being happy. I question everything. I think too much. Sometimes I wonder why I said yes to him. He left me worse off than I had been and now all that's between us is a scared question we probably had left in our heads after he broke up with me that first time. And that's what this probably is just a 'what if...

Honestly I'm getting a little tired of my sister. She thinks she knows my every next move. She doesn't. Sometimes I wish she could think about her life and not what I'm going to be doing or not doing. I just feel rushed and pushed. I wish I didn't have people's expectations turned on me. All I want is a decision to come from what I really want not something I chose to do because I was pushed to do...

Is there such a thing as dreaming too high or too low? I wonder. If so, where do my dreams fall. I know this is pretty random, but I just wonder about these things. I want to know where my life stands, where I stand. Maybe I need new dreams. Maybe it's time to move on. I really don't know. Sometimes I just want to change everything about me, hoping I guess that then maybe I'll feel on track with...

Oh my god I think I love this boy way too much. I'm just waiting for it though, for it to be yesterdays happiness because I know things like this don't last. They didn't in the beggining with him. I'm so scared I'm willing to ruin it all because of something that might not happen again. I just wish I knew where this was going again.xox BamI will save myself. Guess where the lryric comes from. The...

I've been having a hard time. I shouldn't be making a big deal though it sure isn't the first time. I just feel like my life is a lie and maybe it is. I don't even think I can look anyone straight in the eye anymore. I just-I'm not me anymore. I feel like my anger towards my parents and my drive for perfection to please them and make myself feel like something is driving me to be someone I don't...

So I'm not really all that into dating right now. It's just right now I can't actually put 100% into it. And the arguments and shit. It's just too much and I'm tired of it. I'm tired of him. He's always mad at me yet I can't be mad at him. It's like he never actually listens to what I have to say. And well I guess I'm not ready for this. I really don't care to do this. And I'm the one who always...

Okay so I have a boyfriend now. It hasn't even been that long. Sure we've talked for a couple months before going out, but now that he's actually my boyfriend I can't really accept that. I feel like I'm not good enough. It makes me nervous to know someone else is there and that I'm accountable for possibly hurting someone. It's funny it was so easy to give advice on this, but now that I have one I...

I feel like I'm always doing things wrong. I don't mean to do them wrong. I don't mean to do everything that I do or everything that I make happen. Like today for instance my sister who is a gazillion times prettier and better than me in more ways than she knows thinks her boyfriend and me would make a better couple than her and he would. She thinks he'll like drop her for me or something. I just...