once again i find myself in a bad place. i have meds that i take. they keep my from having panic attacks. hurting myself and others. last time i came off of them i went crazy. you see i have been out of school for about ayear now. i got to show that i am still going to go to collage or incerince (sp) will stop paying for my meds.with out incerince my meds are about $1000 dollors even. i work but i...

I have a problem with thinking. i think all the time about things that have happened in the past. alot of the time i end up upset and depressed. it just depends on what i am thinking about. I have been addicted to speed in the past and, it is one of my big triggers. just thinking about it puts me in a bad mood. I was a huge cutter and i have stopped but i still cant get that out of my head. you...

just another day here. i feel great and bad at the same time. today is 4th of july and my uncles wedding. i love the 4th and it is one of my favorite holidays! the thing is that i am at my grilfriends house, having a great time! while my uncle has his wedding. i did not go to the wedding. i love him to death, but things with my family are not all that good. you know? i did not want to be trapped...

well here i am again writting and waiting. waiting for tori and her mom to get ready. we are going to the lake today. i cant wait it should be fun you know. i was up late last night making a playlist it is on my profile in a url. you should go take a look it is pretty cool. it took me forever to make it too.anyway i should be getting off of here to get ready myself. i am mainly ready but you know...

My Grandpa is back from the ER. In one piece. i can sleep good tonight. for the people that have not been following this story my grandpa was in the ER for his leg again. they gave him pills for the pain and sent him home. the pills they gave him made him really sick and he almost died. lets just say the last few days were rough. you know what i mean? anyway all is will now and i can sleep in...

I'm scared. scared that my grandpa is not going to make it out of the ER alive. i am scared that things with tori are going to go bad. i just want to be alone and cry. noone here will let me. i need help. i need someone to hold me and tell me it all is going to be ok. i need tori. i just need her to come in that door and wrap her arms around me. i need her to hold me and never let go. i need my...

i am sitting here and i got a phone call. my grandma had to call 911 for my grandpa. i do not know if he is ok. here is hopeing. i am here with tori and i just feel bad i feel like i am just like every other guy in the world. just wanting one thing. i am not like that at all but, i feel like i am turning into that. i dont know i think i am just losing it. i am typing in the computer room waiting...

will today is sunday and i have to leave tori's house. (tori=loveofmylife) i have been here all weekend and i have loved it! she really is my world! there is just something about her, something that i can not describe. something that just makes me feel like everything is going to be ok. she is my sunshine and i am her sugar! that is all there is to it! she has been there though the good and bad...

Today has been a great day for a change! i just it is because i got up this morniong and my angel was here. see i am at her house. her mom took and picked me up from work! i came back to her house and there she was to put a smile back on my face and to make my eyes blue once again. when i am with her i can do anything! she is my angel, my sunshine, my world! there is nothing that i would not do...

the last few days have been bad. my mom has gone off the deep end. i have not seen her without her getting mad at me or yelling. i was going to a JOB INTERVIEW and she let me out of the car hafe way there and hafe way home. Today she picked me up from work at 2:00 and i got out at 2:30. She said that she is never picking me up at 2:00 WHEN i get off! i just got off late today!!!! i just cant take...

if you are bored and just want something to do. you could go read a random poem of mine. if you go read one of mine and like it great! hate it, then tell me why. if you can find anything to say about any of them then go ahead! ^_^ i do not care anyway. i just want someone help me with my poems by telling me if one or two are good or not. i will do the same for anyone how comments one of...

over the past few months i have lost alot of friends that i hung out with all the time. between people stilling my pill that i need! just to sell them for money to pay a ticket, and people stilling tori's birth control (tori= love you my life). we both have lost everyone that we have come to know as friends. i had an friend over the other day or, ex-friend. i mean he is cool but, all he thinks...

i am done with my pills, with the cutting and with the throwing up. i have been done with all of them for a few months now. i just cant seem to go a day with out wanting or almost needing my pills back... the samething with cutting i can just almost feel the sweet kiss of a blade across my bare skin. someday i just feel like i need it! so bad that it makes my whole day fall apart. i have someone...

9:00p.m.ok guys and girls here i am again telling you about my life. you if want to here it or not. i am living a lie. i love a girl that for some reason still loves me too. i am hurting her with everything thing i do. (triple c's and cutting, not having sex) i do not know what to do. to top it off i just do not think i am that in to girls. i know right! i am a freak.... but before the night is...

My fake smile hides who i am inside. This is the story of a suicide driven teenage boy, with no future. I am a broken soul, in a scared body. My heart is small and blackened from all the lies in this cold, dark world. I hate the person in the mirror, i hope he just dies. I wish there was a easy way out of this lonly life, but nothing is easy anymore. i have few friends and many enemys, that would...

ok i had staph and i want to get a tattoo. can i get a tattoo? or would the staph come back? come on guys help me here! i mean i do not want to go and get a tattoo and it be messed up or die from staph! (haha) you know what i mean! sooo i am just needing some help her guys and girls! does anyone out there know the answer to this big question can you get a tattoo if you (had) staph at one point in...

this song is a avenged sevenfold song called Warmness On The Soul. i was listening to it and it reminded me of you and me. i am going to put the lyrics down the wrint in (pergraths). i hope you like it as much as i do.Your hazel green tint eyes watching every move I make. (you have always watched what i have done, even if we were not talking you keep eyes on me. i do not know how you do it but you...

i have just thrown my heart out to the dogs one more time. i love her and there is no hiding it but ther are a few prombles. ok more then a few. guys i do not know what to do i cant have her in my life as a friend i cant have her there. like that. it would be like she was there but, just a mirror of what used to be. a memory that i will share only in my dreams and some nightmares. i have come to...

guys i do not know what to thing anymore. i just broke up with the love of my life. I love her but, i am no good for her. i mean i cant give her what she needs or wants. to be honest to all of you people out there that have nothing better to do then read my stupid words. i just want to die but, i deside to try to type my feelings out.i am trying to tell myself that this is best that she will find...

idk where the hell this idea came from but, cant you picture your mom in a ring with pokemon! The pokemon att as your mom jumps and runs at them! using her fat rolls as a wepon of mass destuction!! lmao...i am soo need sleep! i am losing my mind! BUT CANT YOU PICTURE IT!!! i have not watched pokemon in years and i can PICTURE IT!!! att pichca!! lmao!! if anyone out there think i am losing my mind...