College isn’t fun. It’s boring and lonely. I miss my friends, the few that I had. I miss home and knowing what to expect in life and having people to rely on. I miss my best friend. I can’t keep doing this, I can’t come back to RIT next fall. I can’t. I hate being so lonely and fucking everything up. I have to hold everything in and keep smiling. I have to keep going.I want to go to...

I cant stop. i'm at the edge and my feet move on their own accord. there's no stopping it now. i'm falling but i want this to go on forever. Please be there to catch me. have your arms wide open just to wrap them firmly around me.It kills me. Do you know that? It tears me up inside to know your hurting. I know its hard but thats what i've always been here for: to listen. Its what makes me so great...

Why can't I be size one that weighs 100lbs with non frizzy hair with no glasses or braces? It's not fair!I'm not pretty, who the hell am I kidding?I'm not dedicated to losing this fat under my skin. I'm helping it grow and as it grows the more disgusting I get.Why can't I at least look good?Girls have soft hair.Girls fit in all their clothes which don't look tight on them.Girls' nails are long and...

Please at least skim read this, I really need advice because I don't know what to do. Answer this before you just click away: which is stronger logic or heart?I'm torn in the middle about my decision between two boys. My on break guy Tomi and my ex Dimitri. I need some advice on what I should do.Tomi Con'sHe's overwhelming. Complains a lot. Is 18 and not in college yet. His father runs his life...

I just love how one statement can ruin all the self confidence that I’ve rebuilt to crumble and disappear. I’m a proud virgin, but I know what I like to do with my boyfriend Tomi. We’ve been together for almost 9 months now, and the other day he told me that me having hair on my lady parts is a turn off. He asked me to do him a favor and go smooth. I don’t know how normal girls would have...

Please at least skim read and give me some advice to my question at the end. Thank you and I greatly appreciate those who take the time to read this crap and comment.I have been dating Tomi for three months. He’s really sweet, caring, mature, and fun to be around. We started our relationship like complete opposites, but as time went on we learned that we have a lot in common. We have overcome...

My best friend Sky isn't happy with me. She's pissed at me because I don't tell her everything that goes on in my head. She's worried that I'll have a relapse and start cutting again. She's also pissed that I "trust" my boyfriend more than her. That's not true. I've known Sky my whole life and I trust her with my life, while my boyfriend I hardly trust because I DO HAVE TRUSTING ISSUES. Plus I...

My buddies list tells me zero people are online right now. None of my friends, family, or even my boyfriend. This is the universe's way of telling me that I have no one. I pushed them all away. Every last one of them who've ever cared for me. I made them disappear. I made them disappear when all I wanted was to find that rock to hold on too. I guess I cut my own life line.I don't know why the...

I am simply a number in the government's computer file. Everything I do is calculated as a statistic. I am nothing but a number to the rest of the world. I am nothing.I am at the point where I don't want to wake up in the morning. In class I just sit there, not bothering to pay attention because even when I do I still don't understand any of the material. Besides I don't see myself graduating high...

I have a new boyfriend! He's a senior (I'm 10th), he's really sweet, and his name is Tom. Quoting a lyric from Tokio Hotel "In your shadow I can shine": he's the sun and I'm the moon. We are completely opposites. He likes to shop at Holister (sorry if I miss spelled the name), while I love my Hot Topic. He loves sports and I hate gym class. Silly high school labels classify him as "preppy" and me...

In my last entry I was undecided on what my Halloween costume should be for this year. I've picked Mulan, if I could find the right costume. If not, Jade and I will go as Peter Pan and Tinker Bell, with me as Tink. I'm really excited for Halloween this year because this year I plan to have a get together. I know I'm 15 but I'm still going out for Trick-or-Treating! I'm a kid at heart. :)Now in my...

I know, I know, I know, Halloween is almost 2 months away, but that's why I'm thinking about it now. I have no idea what I should be this year. I plan to throw a small get-together where we will go out and trick-or-treat and then come back to my house to watch horror movies.I also plan to invite this guy I really, really, like to this "party" of mine, so I have to have a great costume. I don't...

I hate this. I really do. Dimitri and I haven't talked since early July. I told him that I wanted him to find someone else that could do help him since I couldn't. Well, he did just that and now I feel like shit.It's September 7th, it's been 3 months since I last talked to him, almost 4 since I've seen him. The last couple of times I spoke with him we always fought. We weren't even going out, but...

I have officially come to the realization that Dimitri and I are no good as a couple and possibly friends. We live to far apart and have no means of communication when he leaves for his home in not here-with-Puppi-land.NO COUPLE REASONSI can't be there to comfort, listen, understand, and hold him when he needs me there. He can't call me and he refuses to give me his home number so I could call...

UGH!!! My heart/head hurts. I have no friggen idea what to do any more. My heart wants one thing, but my head says another. I sound like a cheesy pop song! I'm just so confused. Now I won't say any names (read my older journals).Him and I are friends, but we're only being friends so that we could progress our communication issues so that we could be in a romantic relationship again.Is that a bad...

I have been gone for too long my beloved Mibba people! Well i'm here to say this bitch is back and ready to write! Here's the catch-up.RelationshipsI am happily single. I have a few crushes here and there, but there is currently no one who I really want to sink my teeth into. (Haha) My friend Jessica tried hooking me up with her older brother Joshua, but he's was (this is very harsh) not exactly...

LIFE IN GENERAL:I am surrounded by them everyday of my life. My dad for instance, he bullies everyone in the house and he can be violent. He doesn't touch me, if that's what your thinking, but he does with my younger brothers, and my mom. He only verbally abuses my sister and I so I really don't have any problems. My home life is hell, even though it's hard to believe me since my parents put on an...

This weekend was horrible, absolutely horrible. Straight to the point Dimitri and I broke up twice and for good in a span of four days. Here’s the Day by Day.Day 1: Friday 13th (One Year and Four Months)Dimitri is at my house and we’re in the kitchen just hanging out and not talking. He’s messing on my lap top. He gets mad because my dad can’t bring us to the roller rink and then he wants...

Most people, like my friends or other relatives think that my life at home is perfect. Well news flash it's no where near perfect! Everything you see at my "home" is a fucking lie. My life is all what my friends belive it's cracked up to be.I could go on for hours, days, months, about the true nature of my family, but let me get to the point.First of all, know this : MY FATHER IS A MANIPULATIVE,...

I have a problem. I don't know my problem. I know i'm not making any sense, but not knowing my problem, my issue, is my problem and it's going to kill me. I have many issues and I can't pin point the fucking cause of them all!I'm not being watched every second, I'm not being beaten, I'm not being molested, I don't have psycho controlling parents, yet I'm constantly thinking of cutting or suicide...