Fic Live Blog: The Band Shippers Vigilante Coalition

MISSION ONE: HAYLIVER—BRIEFING

- And we begin with the lovely Shay typing away on her laptop because she's way better at writing a bunch of words than me since I take forever to just write THREE-HUNDRED WORDS.

- I always have a hair tie on my wrist, but I barely use it.

- But then I like feel naked if I don't have a hair tie on my wrist.

- I don't have one on my wrist right now. Shit. WHERE DID I PUT IT. Oh wait, found it. Okay, I'm complete now.

- Of course the pairings we come up with are perfect. We just make up interesting combinations like that.

- It was a pity none of them currently existed.

- WELL SHIT, AIN'T THAT THE TRUTH.

- Of course I'd be in the kitchen.

- 'Cause I'm always eating.

- Food is my boyfriend.

- I'm still gonna die alone. Don't talk to me.

- Nikko and Jacqui would totally love us if we kidnapped all those wonderful band members.

- I really do have a Paramore and BMTH poster right next to each other. It was unintentional, I swear. When I noticed, I was all SHIT I STILL THINK ABOUT THIS PAIRING.

- Just letting you know, when I put those posters up, it was during my period of writer's block and Hayliver was not on my mind at the time.

- I'm the infamous Hayliver Momma. People on Mibba are probably sick of me.

- I bet some of them wanna beat me up.

- But all you sucka MCs ain't got nothin on meeeee. #ohkeving

- Nikko's fangirling is just the best. Like, seriously, you gotta love her. She leaves the best comments.

- They had met on a writing website known as Mibba and had become fast friends after their initial contact, bantering about writing and bands and just in general having feels over each other’s work. It had been meant to be, clearly, because they had so much in common and could talk for hours without growing bored of one another.

- Duh, that's why we got this cool-ass apartment together.

- Wait where do we live in this story.

- Because apparently I'm not in California anymore.

- Am I on the east. Does that mean I have to adjust to snow. DOES THIS MEAN I HAVE TO LEARN THEIR SLANG BECAUSE NOBODY ELSE WILL UNDERSTAND WHY I SAY HELLA ALL THE TIME.

- Omg and then we go into the story of how I came up with Hayliver.

- I didn't really work that hard. I was all "Hey, Hayley's a girl and Oli's a boy. They'd look cute. I like these bands. I'll just put them together."

- And now they've become my babies who I love to death and you need to TREAT THEM NICELY OR ELSE.

- Denizens of Mibba agreed; Hayley and Oli were perfect for one another.

- Our little Hayliver Haven. Shoutout to my Hayliver children: Nikko, Jacqui, Rianne, and Shay. WE OUT HERE TRYNNA FUNCTION.

- A warning: I might get ratchet at times during this live blog.

- Not sorry. Not sorry at all.

- Ronnie had committed the Ultimate Sin and verbally attacked Oli

- WHAT THE FUCK DID I JUST SAY ABOUT TREATING MY BABIES NICELY. THIS BITCH BE ASKING FOR IT.

- Yeah, Shay ain't taking anybody's shit. Especially Ronnie's.

- Gettin' real tired of your shit, Ronnie.

- ...dramatically placing her hand over her heart.

- You mean my boob.

- Wait, Point A to F. What about the letters after that.

- BUT WAIT, WE HAVE SOMETHING HERE. AKA THE AMERICAN DREAM TOUR.

- Though they were sure their tech support and best friend, Jonathan Craig, could likely help them figure out a way to get past the scanners that would likely show an unconscious body crammed into a suitcase.

- Watch Jonny tell us to do what they did in the Cobra Starship music video, "Bring It (Snakes on a Plane)".

- Just distract TSA by stripping and singing like Maja and Gabe.

- "OH I'M READY FOR IT."

- "COME ON, BRING IT."

- "SO KISS ME GOODBYEEEEE. HONEY I'M GONNA MAKE IT OUT ALIVE-" Okay, enough sidetracking. Back to the epic.

- But like can that be one of the songs we play while on our missions. Because you know, we need our whole BSVC soundtrack.

- Neither of them liked Chad anymore after a particularly harsh and feels-heavy two-shot by Aliya had turned Chad into a cheating scumbag.

- I have nothing against Chad irl btw. Plot purposes. BUT HOW IRONIC IS IT THAT THE TWO-SHOT MENTIONED ISN'T EVEN A HAYLIVER.

- JONATHAN LIVES IN THE SAME BUILDING AS US. THIS IS A DREAM.

- But seriously where do we live.

- I could only imagine all the baked goods we'd leave at his door since I bake so many things. Like red velvet cupcakes, rice krispies, brownies, cake pops, mini bundt cakes...the list goes on. I bake a lot of things okay. Blame my mom.

- I WAS PROBABLY THE ONE WHO TRIPPED. I always trip. I trip over cracks on the sidewalk. I'm pretty sure I once tripped on an ant.

- But we all became friends so it's all good. My pain brought us together.

- And Jonny answers while looking all adorable as always. With his t-shirt and sweatpants.

- SWEATPANTS, HAIR TIED, CHILLIN' WITH NO MAKEUP ON. Wait, Jonny doesn't wear make-up. Or have his hair tied. Oh well. THAT'S WHEN YOU'RE THE PRETTIEST, I HOPE THAT YOU DON'T TAKE IT WRONG.

- “Aliya and I are kidnapping band members to force them into relationships predestined by fate because clearly their significant others have muddied their perceptions,” Shay said, proud of her ability to phrase it so intelligently.

- See, this is why it's a good thing Shay went to Jonny because there ain't no way I'd say something as smart as that. I'd say something that would've made us seem crazier than that.

- "Ayye, we trynna hook band members up because they be looking fine together. Help ya girl out."

- Jonny would've slammed the door on me.

- Omg Jonny's little technological lair. It sounds so cool and I just know I'd want to touch everything.

- Well duh our targets aren't that close. YOU SEE MY FRUSTRATION AT WHY THEY AREN'T TOGETHER.

- Unless you planned on gagging and binding one of them and keeping them in the backseat.

- Like the back of a volkswagen.

- Sorry, that was a Mallrats reference.

- “Wait. How did you know it was going to be Hayley and Oli? I didn’t tell you their names.”
Jonny titled his head back to look up at her. “You’re friends with Aliya. You didn’t have to tell me.”

- I'M NOTORIOUS FOR THIS SHIP. OF COURSE JONATHAN WOULD KNOW.

- Ooh, and here's when we get the gear like our chloroform and neuralyzers that apparently exist in real life now. How did Jonathan retrieve them. I NEED TO KNOW.

- WE WILL NEVER FIND OUT WILL WE *screams internally*

- “This is all about making the fictional non-fictional and you’re asking ridiculous questions like that.”

- TOUCHÉ, JONATHAN. TOUCHÉ.

- AND HERE WE HAVE THE SHOVEL. IT BEGINS. SHAY'S WEAPON OF CHOICE.

- Wait what's my weapon of choice. Can it be knives. CAN IT BE A SAMURAI SWORD.

- OKAY CAN I AT LEAST GET A GUN.

- Well you don't have to worry about me drinking caffeinated beverages Jonathan because I don't like soda. Apparently it's because I have a small throat let's not get into that.

- LET THE FLAMES MISSION BEGIN.

OPERATION: KIDNAP OLIVER SYKES

- ALRIGHT. WE'RE KIDNAPPING OLI FIRST.

- So we're apparently somewhere near New York. WAIT THAT MEANS I HAVE TO LEARN NEW SLANG. I'M NOT READY FOR THIS.

- If Shay wants to see Lee, then let her see Lee. And hey, it gives me an excuse to see Tom so.

- I ain't even mad.

- I'm too tiny to be security. Like, I'm surprised nobody questioned why I was apart of security. Maybe I dressed all badass that they were convinced. I imagine myself wearing high-waisted pants and my combat boots to look more badass. And when not in the security shirts, we both have leather jackets. Because leather jackets are cool.

- WHY ARE SOME SECURITY SHIRTS YELLOW. THIS DOES NOT WORK FOR MY DARK-ASS SKIN.

- I just imagined Oli wearing a turtleneck and omg I'm glad nobody's around because I made a weird sound while laughing. I just. Turtlenecks.

- I'm near-sighted. HOW CAN I PICK OUT THE BUS IN THE DARKNESS I AM BLIND I TELL YOU.

- We will come back for you, Austin and Tino. Oh yes, we will definitely come back for you.

- LEE ANSWERS THE DOOR. SWOON. But wait he seriously didn't question why girls who happened to be teenagers are apart of security. Really Lee. Really. Oh well, that's a good thing for us.

- Aww, Lee. I'm talking to Lee without messing up my words. How is this happening.

- OH BUT WAIT IT'S TOM. AKA MY BOSS-ASS BITCH. WHAT IS STANDING. WHAT ARE WORDS. JKBFNOQBVUIJSBALKNVILBNVAOIBVNOAB

- *clears throat* Get your shit together Aliya this is for Hayliver dammit.

- Oh shit, and then Lee sits down next to Oli and just HAS TO REMIND SHAY OF TIDES. YOU KNOW, THE EMOTIONAL ROLLERCOASTER OF PAIN.

- Seeing Lee and Oli on the couch would remind me of the scene in I Know in My Heart It's Not You but that fic isn't as hurtful, so I'd be all good. Then again, the scene I'd be reminded of happened during the hurtful chapter.

- Ooh, bringing the sunglasses out. Shit's gettin' real. This is for Hayliver, guys. TIME TO NEAURALYZE.

- And now I'm stuck with the job of CARRYING OLI. BUT I AM SHORT AND HE'S A FUCKING SKYSCRAPER HOW THE FUCK IS THIS GONNA WORK. I KNOW HE'S LIGHT BUT SHIT.

- ...because he’s kind of a dick. HE'S ALSO A FUCKING SKYSCRAPER. THAT I HAVE TO CARRY. THE STRUGGLE IS SO REAL.

- Oh Lee you know we're coming back for you. AND TOM. I WILL BE BACK, MY BEAUTIFUL BOSS-ASS BITCH.

- I'm pretty sure I dropped Oli like five times before we even left the bus.

- SHIT AARON CAUGHT US. REMEMBER THAT ESCAPE PLAN I DISCUSSED IN THE LAST LIVE BLOG. OFF TO THE SUNSET. WAIT THERE'S NO SUNSET. AND I CAN'T RUN WHILE CARRYING OLI OKAY NEW PLAN.

- Oh good, now Shay's holding Oli. Thank God. I wouldn't have lasted. I was struggling.

- Gotta save the shovel for another time, Shay. Patience.

- Better step back, Aaron. You don't know who you're dealing with.

- SEE, SO I HAD TO TASE YOU. I'M TERRIBLY SORRY FOR THAT, BUT YOU ASKED FOR IT.

- "YOU SAW NOTHING." THAT'S GREAT. I SERIOUSLY WOULD'VE SAID THAT.

- Ain't nobody gon' fuck with the Hayliver Momma. Ya'll better watch yo shit.

- Of course Shay's gonna do worse. HAVE YOU SEEN HER COMMENTS ON MY TWO-SHOT. AND THE LIVE BLOG FOR IT. SHAY IS PISSED AT CHAD.

- We're driving from NEW YORK to CALIFORNIA. ACROSS THE COUNTRY.

- SCREAMING INTERNALLY BECAUSE LONG CAR RIDES.

- In real life, I would never take off my shoes because I hate feet. My own feet included. Like EW FEET. I just looked down. And saw my feet. EW. NO. I HATE FEET.

- I love shoes, though. I love shoes to death.

- That is why I have so many pairs of boots.

- I bought shoes this weekend, too. I have a problem somebody help me.

- SEAT WARMERS ARE THE BEST THING EVER. THANK YOU JONATHAN FOR HAVING AN SUV WITH SEAT WARMERS.

- Shay loves that shovel more than life itself. Omg and she's going into the two first names thing. That's so great.

- Also I'd like to think we listened to "Panic Switch" by Silversun Pickups while driving away.

- OFF TO SAVE YOU, HAYLES. SUPERALIYA AND SUPERSHAY. NOT SUPERJOSH BUT MORE ON THAT LATER.

OPERATION: KIDNAP HAYLEY WILLIAMS

- Well, in the end we didn't really kidnap her. Just. You'll find out later. Trust me.

- DO NOT HURT MY BABIES. I KNOW OLI SHOULD GET SMACKED BECAUSE HE CAN BE ANNOYING. BUT NOT NOW BECAUSE HAYLEY.

- Aww, now I'm imagining him all wrapped up in the blanket. Not to mention because of Jacqui, I imagine him doing that cute little hiccup snore thing.

- I AM TERRIFIED OF HEIGHTS. WHY DIDN'T WE JUST PICK THE LOCK OF THE BACK DOOR.

- Don't worry, Shay. I ain't graceful either. Remember when I said I tripped on an ant.

- I don't like heels. I prefer wedges. They're much more comfortable. And cuter.

- I SUCK AT CLIMBING, TOO. WHO'S IDEA WAS THIS.

- I would've fallen and died. I think I would've died before I even hit the ground.

- Omg how awkward would that have been if we walked in on them doing that. Yuck.

- "AH MY EYES."

- Pretty damn amazing we managed to do that without killing ourselves.

- WE SURVIVED BECAUSE OF PLOT PURPOSES. IN REALITY I WOULD'VE BEEN DEAD OKAY.

- Omg I really am sorry, Chad.

- But you're getting the shovel. Multiple times.

- I would've tripped down the stairs. It's happened to me before and considering how many times I've tripped in my life, this totally would've happened and we would've been caught and yeah I just need to stop tripping all over the place.

- YOU'RE BREAKING NICE THINGS, CHAD. HAYLEY COULD'VE STEPPED IN THAT SHIT.

- Omg and then I just casually pick up Hayley. Lucky she's not a skyscraper so I wouldn't have as much trouble holding her.

- But like I'd fangirl. I'd be all "OMG I PICKED UP HAYLEY. SOMEBODY PICK ME UP BEFORE I FAINT."

- Shay being all badass hitting the phone outta Chad's hand. Like he's all AWH HELL NO I'M CALLING THE COPS and Shay's just all HOW ABOUT NO.

- NO CHAD YOU ARE NOT TAKING HAYLEY AWAY FROM ME. OR OLI. BUT MOSTLY ME.

- AND BAM. HE GOT THE SHOVEL. MUSIC TO OUR EARS. MOSTLY SHAY'S EARS.

- HOW IS HE STILL MOVING. HIT HIM AGAIN.

- If he ended up with a cranial hemorrhage, it was all his fault at this point. Pretty much. He just didn't know when to quit.

- “Goddamn it, Chad, you shall not pass!” OMG I CAN'T STOP LAUGHING BECAUSE SHAY'S THE BEST. SHE REALLY IS. WHERE'S THE STAFF. NO WAIT WE DON'T NEED A STAFF. WE GOT THE SHOVEL.

- Hayley's so chill. She's all, "Oh, you guys are gonna hook me up with Oli. I'm totally fine with that. He's cute, so bye Chad." I'm also imagining myself telling Hayley the whole story while also being all starry-eyed.

- I wouldn't just stroke Hayley's hair. I would've tried to sniff it. Like just lean in, trynna be all slick and just sniff. It probably smells like strawberries. Rianne knows.

- He could be a bit of a moron sometimes, but it was impossible not to know how perfect Hayliver was.

- SOMETIMES. But yeah, as stupid as Oli can be, of course he'll understand how amazing Hayliver is.

- UM NO, WE NEED TO SET UP A NICE ROMANTIC ATMOSPHERE FOR THEM BECAUSE HIM WAKING UP TO HER IN THE VAN IS NOT IDEAL. THEY NEED A REAL DATE.

- Omg, I would totally shop with Hayley. I love shopping. Actually I'm addicted somebody please help me.

- Can I raid Hayley's closet. CAN I.

- And then we take all of the pictures off Chad's walls and erase all evidence. BURN THE EVIDENCE. LET'S MAKE A BONFIRE BEFORE WE GO. LET THE FLAMES BEGIN.

- And since we have Hayley with us in the car, we're listening to "Fast in My Car" because it's appropriate. MAYBE HAYLEY COULD SING IT. WE COULD ALL SING IT TOGETHER.

- Yes, Jonathan definitely deserves a muffin basket. He's a blessing, he really is. WHAT WOULD WE DO WITHOUT YOU, JONATHAN.

- How did nobody notice Shay bringing Oli to the hotel room like she's seriously carrying a body in the elevator. NOBODY SAW THIS.

- Ooh, we picking up the suit 'cause Oli needs to be lookin' sharp.

- THIS. RIGHT HERE. IS MY. SWAG.

- PRETTY BOY SWAG. AYYYEEEE.

- ....I told you guys I'd be ratchet. I'm sorry not sorry.

- “Aliya, are we going to do this again?”

- FUCK YEAH WE'RE DOING THIS AGAIN. WE'RE NOT DONE HERE. THERE'S TOO MANY PEOPLE OUT THERE THAT AREN'T TOGETHER AND SHOULD BE. WE NEED TO SOLVE THE WORLD'S PROBLEMS.

CONCLUSION: A ROMANTIC OUTING

- SCREAMING.

- IT'S. THE. ROMANTIC. HAYLIVER. DATE.

- Melex and Sherry are beautiful and you will soon understand, Oli. Oh yes, you will.

- Btw, last night Shay and I totally had a deep conversation about ATL pairings. It was pretty interesting.

- CEILING MIRROR. YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS.

- AND HE WAKES UP TO SEE THE BEAUTIFUL HAYLEY WILLIAMS.

- Hayliver was something he didn’t think he’d stumbled across prior to now. Stupid him for not knowing about it.

- Um, because I'm a fucking genius Oli and you're a moron, so yeah.

- HAYLEY'S GREEN EYES ARE SO MAGICAL.

- HOW DO YOU KNOW ALIYA DIDN'T DO HER MAKEUP, OLI.

- Okay just kidding. Hayley does her makeup way better than I could. I don't even wear mascara so yeah, don't rely on me to do that.

- Ugh, Hayley's smile just gets you. Like when you see that smile of hers, your heart just does all these backflips and you're wondering what you're doing with your life.

- BECAUSE HAYLEY IS A FUCKING GODDESS. JUST. I AM NOT WORTHY BECAUSE SHE'S SO BEAUTIFUL.

- AND SHE'S WEARING A GREEN DRESS. IT'S ALMOST LIKE SHE'S POISON IVY BUT WAY PRETTIER AND HER KISSES DON'T KILL YOU. WELL YEAH THEY DO BUT METAPHORICALLY NOT LITERALLY.

- SHE SAID OUR NAMES. SHE SAID SHAY AND ALIYA.

- Oli wrinkled his nose at the memory; they hadn’t let him stay up much past eating and using the bathroom and showering. It was usually lights out right after, but damned if he could remember how they did it, much less how they had kidnapped him in the first place.

- 'Cause we're fucking badasses. And we have Jonathan.

- Hayley offered to go with us because she's smart and she also realizes that Hayliver is perfect. SHE IS HERE TO KEEP YOU IN CHECK, OLI. YOU MORON.

- SHE SAID MY NAME AGAIN.

- I love how Hayley just casually mentions Chad getting hit with a shovel. Like she doesn't even seem phased that her boyfriend of six years got hit multiple times in the head by Shay.

- HER LAUGHTER IS SUCH A REMEDY. IT REALLY IS.

- WE'RE DOING YOU A FAVOR, OLI. ENJOY IT. GO ON THIS DATE WITH HAYLEY BECAUSE SHE'S HUNGRY. YOU DON'T WANT HER TO STARVE, DO YOU. ALSO THERE'S RESERVATIONS. TAKE ADVANTAGE OF THAT SHIT.

- We didn't measure your body while you were sleeping or anything. Yeah.

- DAMN STRAIGHT HAYLEY LOOKS BEAUTIFUL.

- OOH SO THEY'RE GONNA GO BACK TO THE ROOM LATER. REMEMBER THAT MIRROR ON THE CEILING.

- .. And he realized something else, too.

- Ohmigod I love this part because it's when he finally sees how he and Hayley look together and he realizes how good they look and all his other girlfriends didn't look as good with him as Hayley does and he admits that Shay and I were right. Just yesssss.

- Just relax, Oli. Shay and I aren't around because we know you two need yo privacy. You lovesick little shits.

- Oh, and she brings up Hannah. AWKS. But yeah, that had to be brought up.

- I really do wish they met at Soundwave. Sigh. LIKE HOW MANY TIMES WILL THEY ALMOST CROSS EACH OTHER'S PATHS. THIS IS FRUSTRATING TO ME.

- BY THE WAY, WHY HASN'T JOSH FRANCESCHI INTRODUCED THEM YET. THEY ARE BOTH GOOD FRIENDS WITH YOU JOSH. BE THE BRIDGE AND HAVE THEM MEET. BE SUPERJOSH.

- Awww, and they got along so well at Soundwave. Hayley's so bright and cute and she's seriously his ~Manic Pixie Dream Girl~ because she's so perf.

- HOW COULD YOU LOSE CONTACT. DON'T LET HANNAH CONTROL WHO YOU HANG OUT WITH.

- That had clearly been an idiotic choice. NO SHIT, OLI.

- See, Hayley understands because she also loves music and she's dealt with a long distance relationship before. She's the perfect woman for you because she's so smart and lovely and happy and you guys could work. You guys would hella work.

- Oh no Hayley, he's realized things aren't gonna work with Hannah because he's realized that you are the one for him because you're so amazing and you're his manic pixie dream girl. AND AWW HE TILTS HER CHIN UP.

- “So... You want to try this out?” Hayley asked, her voice soft yet hopeful.
Oli let go of her face to take her hands in his, giving them a gentle squeeze and her a warm smile. “Absolutely. I want to try this out with you.”

- THEY'RE GIVING IT A SHOT. THEY'RE DOING THIS. THEY'RE BECOMING HAYLIVER AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I SCREAM AND SING AND DANCE AND CRY BECAUSE MY BABIES ARE GETTING TOGETHER.

- And in that moment, Oli Sykes quit worrying about everything else and just enjoyed being with Hayley Williams once and for all.

- HAPPINESS. HAPPINESS EVERYWHERE.

- WELL FUCK YEAH I'M CRYING. Of course I'd be crying because um hello, this is my crack pairing that I love and adore and for them to actually hook up is a fucking dream and yeah I wouldn't be able to handle all that shit.

- “Why am I not surprised you’ve resorted to a life of crime?” Because we're friends with you, Jonathan. You love us anyway, so whatevs.

- Good. He needed a muffin basket because he's a wonderful tech support.

- AND THUS THE BSVC WAS BORN.

- THE BAND SHIPPERS VIGILANTE COALITION. 'CAUSE WE'RE BADASS. AIN'T NOBODY GONNA STOP US BECAUSE WE RUN THIS WORLD.

- WHO RUNS THE WORLD. ME AND SHAY.

For there could be no peace on Earth until all of the band ships were united once and for all.

- WE'VE ALREADY MADE A LIST. IT'S GONNA BE GREAT. JUST YOU WAIT. THE WORLD WILL BE A BETTER PLACE BECAUSE OF US. THIS IS GONNA GO IN THE HISTORY BOOKS BECAUSE WE'RE THAT AWESOME.