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It's Not You. It's Me. And No! He is Not My Boyfriend!

“When I wanna get something off my chest I just say it really fast like I’mtheonewhosquirtedallthatmusteredinyourlockerlastyear. Like that! It feels liberating.”
“THAT WAS YOU?”
“Stop trying to change the subject Carter.”
“Everything smelled like rotten mustered for the rest of the year! I had to throw out my favorite sweater!”
“It’s useless to linger in the past.”
 “I can’t believe you!”
“HEY! This isn’t about me! This about you being a little prick today, and you needing to tell me why.”
“It’s all your fault!” he narrowed his eyes at me.
“Mine? What did I do to you? I didn’t even see you until lunch.”
“No. It wasn’t something you did today.”
I was starting to get a headache, and feel like Melissa. I appreciated her a bit more. It was hard work coercing someone into telling you something.
“I don’t quite follow.”
“Well I’ve been thinking a lot about this ‘breaking up’ thing.”
“What we should wait more or something? Or do it in a different way?”
“No. I....I....” Carter stuttered and stopped mid-sentence.
“Fast. Remember?”
Carter took a deep breath and let loose.
“Idon’twannabreakupbecausethisstupidfakerelationshipthinghasmademelikeyou!”
  1. I Was Beginning to Hope for the Apocalypse
    It's the first day of school, and Ellis is already having a bad day. It worsens when Matthew Perkins shows his face, causing her to do something irrational. That one irrational actions means she's tied to her friend Carter in a way she never wanted t
  2. I Got My Cooties Shot it's Okay
    Carter agrees to Ellis's ridiculous idea. It's only for a little bit right? Now it's time to make it offical.
  3. Sarcasm is Such an Ugly Color on You
    It Seems Dating Might Not be as Easy as the Two Thought. Especially if Matthew Perkins Won't Back Down
  4. The Only Thing I Want Slobbering Over You is My Dog
    Carter and Ellis are seeing the issues in pretending to be in a relationship together. Who would've thought that dating meant kissing?
  5. Just Keep Your Tongue Away from Mine
  6. You're Capable of Compassion?
  7. I Deserved Two Oscars
  8. Your Head is too Big for this Locker Room
  9. This was Truly the Apocalypse
  10. Everything Smelled Like Rotten Mustard
  11. You Think Everyone is Cute
  12. I Don't Think This is the Sentimental Relationship
  13. Since When is ***ous Rage a Sign of Affection?
  14. I Have a Fully Functioning and Very Nice Pair
  15. Consider it Payback for the Mustard
  16. My Wood is Getting Water Logged
  17. He's a Man Slave. He Has No Say in the Matter
  18. What Makes You Think I'm Not James Bond?
  19. Maybe You Don't Need to Learn from Edward Cullen
  20. Maybe I would Get That Death Match
  21. I'm a Big Steaming Pot of Jello
  22. Even the Divine Have Their Limits
  23. I Hope You're Not Attached to Your Balls
  24. Good Thing I'm Not a Minister
  25. I've Been Crazy About You for Half My Life
  26. Thou Shall Not Slap Thy Boyfriend
  27. Just Don't Make Me Try a Piece
  28. Maybe You Should Let Me Take Off My Bra
  29. This Can't Be Harder Than AP Physics
  30. It's Definitely Clogged Arteries
  31. I Just Wanted to Make Sure My Antecedents Made Sense
  32. Why Would There be an Emporium for Poop?
  33. Newsflash, We Are Bad Dancers.
  34. Don't You Get it? I Love You!
  35. I Get it. I Wasn’t that Sly.
    Carter's POV
  36. I Wish I Had Sparkle Skin
  37. Once You Pop, You Just Can't Stop
  38. Clearly, I'm Not the Expert on All Things Carter
  39. I'm Quite Versed in the Tuck and Roll
  40. No one likes being the sexually ambiguous side kick
  41. Pornography is a Logical Strain of Thought
  42. I Was too Young to Become an Accessory to ***
  43. Getting a Death Match for My Love Wasn't as Fun as I Thought
  44. If He Wanted Space, I'd Give Him Space
  45. I Finally Knew Why Catholics Were so Afraid of Limbo
  46. He Was Luckey I Didn't Want to Go to Jail
  47. I Was Dejected and Fat
  48. I'm Playing Not Interested
  49. I Might as Well Practice for the True Zombie Apocalypse
  50. I Knew Where the Back Door Was Located
  51. Some Kids Name Their Parents After Fruit
  52. Do I Have the Plague or Something?
  53. Show Up to His House Naked
  54. Imagine How Much Fun You'll Have When I Stay Awake
  55. You Had Me at Dinner
  56. I'd Have to Leave it to Beefy Guys on Skates
  57. She's Probably Going to Give Him Another Concussion
  58. I was Thankful for No Explosions
  59. This Joke is Getting Old
  60. Or You Watch a lot of Porn
  61. As If Hormones Weren't Raging Already
  62. Thanks Buddha
  63. Melissa Just Told Me I Sucked
  64. There’s a Point System
  65. The kicker is that I don’t like you!
  66. Braving the storm on foot seemed like a good idea.
  67. He Was Never This Emotional Until After We Broke Up
  68. It was almost as if he had a book
  69. I'm Like Degrassi
  70. And is there really a better reason than that?
  71. The Boy Sure Knew How to Smell Good.
  72. What Fun Was Getting Super Drunk After a Formal Dance Without Hooking Up?
  73. I Didn’t Question it When I Ended Up in His Bed.
  74. I’m in Your Bed and Your Parents Don’t Know?
  75. That Boy Needs a Good Punch in the Face
  76. I was the Big Fat Cheater
  77. She'll be in Mourning for Weeks
  78. Your Seriousness Scares Me
  79. It's the Holiday Spirit
  80. I Hope You're Buried in an Avalanche
  81. This Asshole is Tired
  82. And Just Like That All My Plans Went Out the Window
  83. I Know Your Game
  84. I Just Like the Feel of the Hardware Floor on My Body
  85. Sir Hockey Player Would Enjoy the Chance to Skate
  86. This is a Family Affair
  87. He Didn't Know What He Got Us Into
  88. I’m the Meat in a Stupid Sandwich
  89. I’ll Make Your Shoe Fit
  90. It Seemed Like a Good Time